:(

June 3, 2007 at 1:35 am (Weight Loss)

Right , another day where I woke up determined to loose weight, weighing in at 14 stones. That is the heaviest I have been since last year ..hell I was 13 stones when I got divorced. That is a very depressing thought but with people who are obsessed with weight, depression only triggers more eating and not the opposite.

I was quite proud of myself till 2 hours ago , as I managed to survive on nothing but shakes and soup for the entire day but then my best friend Kumail decided to call me and talk about FOOD..and i ended up bingeing…i had 3 fried eggs with 3 toasts, half a container of chicken karahi with another 4 toasts and now stuffing my face with chocolate biscuits 🙂

 Hmm…right I personally think that my will power is the strongest during the day and come evening after 9:00 clock is when it starts to falter. So from tommorow I am going to be back on track and from now onwards I am going to write a diary everyday so that I know all about the emotions and patterns that cause me to overeat.

My goal for the month of June is to loose 14 pounds so that when I stand on the scales at the end of this month I weight 13 stones and be able to fit into my size 14 trousers and manage to breathe and not feel like I am going to die because they are too damn tight to fit around the waist.

CD seems to the best option when it comes to loosing weight fast. That does mean that I am not going to eat anything at all and survive on shakes. Can be daunting but I need to FOCUS and DECIDE that I am going to stick to it. Yes no one likes skinny women but I need to be happy with my own body and at the moment I am anything but comfortable in my own skin. I am not going to criticise myself because like I said that is just going to have a detrimental effect on me :p

3rd June and a NEW me 😀 I will be turning 29 in 3 months time and if I aim to loose 1 stone each month, I shall be *thin* for the first time in my life !!! Now that is something to look forward to, not to mention the fact that I am in love with a man who is 6 years my junior so I really need to start thinking bout taking care of myself.

I am going to start SS for the whole month of June. That should help me loose a stone in a month. Need to call Naureen Baji in a week’s time and stock up on my supply of CD shakes as I am seriously low on them at the moment.

Right I should sleep now. Will be writing every time I feel like giving in to the temptation 🙂 I shall visualise myself thin as well as its the positive thinking that helps 😀

Main goal :

  • Loose 4 stones
  • Be a size 10 at my 29th B’day which is 3 months from now.

Mini goal for June : Loose 1 stone

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…..

May 23, 2007 at 7:58 pm (LoVE)

Life’s Darkness surrounds me; pain is all I feel
Like I’m drowning in this air I breath is any of it real
Emotions overcome me; I cut but don’t feel the pain
The storm of my life; my tears are the rain

People all around me; hurrying to pass me by
While I’m stuck in this moment slowly waiting to die
The one’s I love seem to always go away
It’s just not fair why do they leave and I stay

Life’s full of joy and happiness or so they say
No one ever want’s to talk about the corruption and the pain
If the world is so perfect then why do I want to leave
If everything is expected then why do I cover my arms with sleeves

Does it scare you to see the marks of my fears
When you see these cuts do you realise my tears
Just someone to tell me that they really care
To say those three words back; one love to share

I stand in a crowded room and yet I stand alone
I live in a house; it’s not a home
No one could feel the way that I do
I loved you so much now look what you do

The thought of your touch, the vision of your smile
It drives me to do this; it drives me wild
Just say those words that you love me again
I’ll put down the blade and never cut again

I lay in the water naked and free
As the warm temped water surrounds me
The water is so warm yet I feel so cold
Like my soul is being taken; for your love it’s been sold

Once again I’m wrapped up in your warm and loving arms
Away from the reality and cruelty of all life’s harms
I see all my loved ones that have passed me by
It has come to this; for your love I died.

 

 

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I am alive

May 23, 2007 at 7:53 pm (General Stuff)

The red blood that flows through the cuts I just made reminds me  I am not dead.   A pity I dont feel the pain

hahahahaha 🙂

 Salvation? Think not.

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Avril Lavigne – My Happy Ending

February 16, 2007 at 2:16 pm (Lyrics of songs that move me)

So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh…

Let’s talk this over
It’s not like we’re dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don’t leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh…

You’ve got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I’m difficult
But so are they
But they don’t know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It’s nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It’s nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh…
So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh…

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Using enums to populate ASP.NET dropdownlist control (C#)

January 25, 2007 at 2:25 pm (ASP.NET, C#, Programming)

Since I had never used enums in C# before , it took me an hour or so to figure this one out, and lets not forget good old Google was there to help.Lets say I want to declare an enum which contains the name of all the months and values. The syntax for that is as follows: public enum nameOfMonths

{       

January = 1, February = 2, March = 3, April = 4, May = 5, June = 6, July = 7, August = 8,

September = 9, October = 10, November = 11, December = 12   

}; In order to populate the “drop down list” control , iterate through the items in the enum using the foreach method of C#.        

foreach (string month in Enum.GetNames(typeof(nameOfMonths)))

{

int value = (int)Enum.Parse(typeof(nameOfMonths), month);

ListItem listItem = new ListItem(month, value.ToString());

lstMonth.Items.Add(listItem);

}

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Annie Lennox — No More I Love You’s Lyrics

January 16, 2007 at 3:09 pm (Lyrics of songs that move me)

I used to be lunatic from the gracious days
I used to be woebegone and so restless nights
My aching heart would bleed for you to see
Oh but now…
(I don’t find myself bouncing round whistling
and fortunes to make me cry)
No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me
No more “I love you’s”
Changes are shifting outside the word
(The lover speaks about the monsters)
I used to have demons in my room at night
Desire,despair,desire,so many monsters
Oh but now…
(I don’t find myself bouncing round whistling
and fortunes to make me cry)

No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me
No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me in silence
No more “I love you’s”
Changes are shifting outside the word

They were being really crazy
They were on the come.
And you know what mammy?
Everybody was being really crazy.
Uh huh.
The monsters are crazy.
There are monsters outsides.

No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me
No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me in silence
No more “I love you’s”
Changes are shifting outside the word

Outside the word

Do I need to say anything else 🙂

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Anti-Linux quote

January 12, 2007 at 4:36 pm (Programming)

“Linux is only free if your time is worthless.”

Just read this quote on a website and it cracked me up..no surprises there as I am such a Microsoft fan 🙂

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Telling a prince from a player

January 5, 2007 at 12:31 am (Dating)

Damn I read this and realized that the type I find b.o.r.i.n.g with a capital B are the ones who are meant to my prince charmings and the ones who make my pulse race are surprise surprise big time players..lolz 😀

Very interesting read I have to admit..i need to buy her book and makes notes

http://match.engb.msn.com/matchscene/article.aspx?articleid=3129&TrackingID=523984&BannerID=568010

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New Year Resolutions

December 31, 2006 at 5:50 pm (General Stuff)

Yeah i guess we are all guilty of making this *list* of pledges about how we are radically going to change ourselves come ‘New Year’ , knowing inherently they will be forgotten the minute we do wake up..like a bad dream but hey its fun and it kills time.  Lets see what my resolutions for the Year “2007” are :

  • Actually use the bloody exotic creams I have been hoarding for the past year 😀 I admit they look all pretty sitting ‘there’ but frankly I have run out of space and I guess I am 28 so I should really start worrying bout the ‘wrinkles’…yes I am vain *rolling eyes*
  • Start running in earnest ..no more trotting like an amateur but take it to the next level…pavement here I come..lolz
  • Stop shopping like there is no tommorow. Admittedly I am an obsessive soul and nothing I do in life is ever done in moderation but hey its time to change *mental note..yeah right* 😛
  • Get rid of all the emotinal junk I have been carrying. Send my brain to the drycleaner I guess ..hope it doesnt cost a fortune.
  • Cook….yeah that would do me good. I could be the domestic goddess who loves to entertain her friends and family over a sumptuous, exotic meal and be the envy of all women whose culinary skills are as good as my writing skills.
  • Last but not the least..stop smoking..its expensive but that doesnt bother me but someone who has a penchant for good smells and sprays herself with the most sensous perfumes its becoming a bit of a pain..i hate the smell…my clothes..my room..me..we all reek of cigs *ewww*

 Right i have to go and clean cause for the past hour I have been sitting and doing nothing wishing ofcourse that some fairy is going to come and do the dirty deed for me but since the rich spoilt brat has long died and now I am the maid of the house who has to do EVERYTHING for herself so better get moving 😦

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This is funny!

December 31, 2006 at 3:15 am (General Stuff)

Its 3 in the morning and since i dont have anything to entertain myself with i took to reading my horoscope and this is what it said for today…

Do you know how sexy you are? Probably not, because you never have to think about it — you’re effortlessly elegant. Part of the reason you’re attractive is that you have much better things to think about than how to be attractive.

lol 😀 its offical i guess and umm not deluded into thinking that umm attractive

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